The Good, The bad and The Ugly........
Just like that, another year has come and is about to be gone. Many lessons were learned and I wasn’t able to check all the boxes off of my 2018 goals, but thats okay. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
This year, I planned to move out my mommas crib, find a new job, and get my real estate license. None of which happened. I started off the year strong. My mental was in a good place, I was optimistic and was determined to get rid of this horrible disease called procrastination. LOL
So lets start with
First, I met some AMAZING people. This year I made some lifelong friends and grew my support circle. I thought I had enough friends, but you really never can have too many (if they're REAL friends.) I also found out (while I haven’t met this little person yet) one of my best friends is having a baby! I am gonna be an auntie in 2019.
I traveled to both Los Angeles & New York. Never been to either and they both captured a piece of my heart. I didn’t fly first class which was on my list (rolls eyes) but I’m grateful I was able to go. Could I afford it…. eh not really but it was worth it every penny and the interest charged to my credit card.
But the most challenging but rewarding event to take place this year-- I became an official business owner! Guava58 LLC was born. This is still a work in progress. Business is A LOT slower than I expected. I admit, I haven’t given it my all, (I’ll get to that in a minute) but that is going to change!
I was determined to move out into my own space this year. I wanted to be out by May. If things would have gone my way, I would have left my job by March and been out on my own by May. I work for a university and we always have to work commencement and I told myself I would not be there for another year of that mess. Well that was a flop. Also, my credit cards are back through the roof…. I was able to pay one off but… I just keep telling myself ima be balling and the shit will get paid off eventually.
Come May, I was still living at home and working for Mercer. Around graduation I started to feel really down in the dumps 'cause shit wasn’t going as planned. But low and behold, I met (or so I thought) the man of my dreams…… I deadass thought I met my husband y’all. We were cayute. lol I was swept off my feet all to be dropped on my ass a few short months later. That sent me into an even deeper hole. I gave all the love I could to someone who either didn’t it or wasn’t capable of accepting it. I'm not sure which one it was but either way rejection hurts like a MF.
No matter what we go through there is always a lesson to learned. Before I met him, I was starting to give up hope. I thought all nxggas weren’t shit and I was OKAY with being single. I was starting to develop a mind set that I was gonna be like Tracee Ellis Ross and/or OPRAH.
Living my best single, childless life, looking like a bowl a fruit and getting my own bag. I asked God why he would send someone to me I thought was so prefect all to snatch them away. Through this heartbreak I learned that there IS someone out there for me (maybe not him but someone), cause babyyyy I was like so gung ho that there was no one. I think this was just reassurance that my person is out there for me. It’s been a very hard pill to swallow cause ya girl was in love. But that’s life I guess. #thankunext
The big D word. I am a believer that your words hold power so I never wanted to admit it and I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone because I didn’t want them to diagnose me with it. It’s something I have been dealing with off and on for years but this year I think I hit my lowest. I was crying EVERY-SINGLE-DAY day. I cried on my way to work. At work. On my way home. When I got home. When I went to bed. It feels like I cried and slept this year away. I struggled because I wanted to hide it, but it took over and soon my close family and friends knew. I couldn’t even have a stranger ask me “How are you today?” without breaking down. Oh and the anxiety. Whew child. Ain't no joke. Things are getting better but I still have my days. --
There were more ups (like starting pole classes which I should have started forever ago) and downs but I’ll stop there… luckily this year was full of spiritual growth. I have been meditating more and doing a better job at being mindful throughout the day. I am always giving gratitude. The first thing I do when I wake up is say “THANK YOU.” I thank God for the things I don’t even have yet. If you know me you know I swear by Oprah’s Supersoul Sunday. That has helped me tremendously. Oh, and my mamma. Iuv my mama ya'll.
I am still learning and growing as that is what life is about. I am ready for 2019 and remain hopeful and optimistic. Buying a house was one of my 2019 goals….. the way this past year went though……. lol idk but a lot can happen in year! I am speaking it into existence. 2019 will be my year full of prosperity and abundance.
P.S. I quit my job and am moving to LA...!