So I am pretty sure you have all heard of a midlife crisis-- but why does no one ever mention a quarter life crisis? I am here to testify that they are just as real and just as scary, and frustrating, and whatever other emotion you can think of.
I am 23 years old (not quite 25) and while many tell me I should be lucky I am going through this phase now instead of later, lucky is the LAST thing on Earth I feel.
I hate feeling this way and complaining because I know it could be worse. I know there are people out there who have it way worse than me. But I just can't seem to kick this feeling.
I've been going through this blues for about two months or so. I wake up, go to work, come home, sleep, and repeat. I usually have a nice lil to-do list of things I should do when I get home but I find myself losing damn near all my motivation after sitting in traffic on my way home.
I thought I did everything right...
I went to school.
I got my degree.
I have a pretty decent entry level job.
(I try not to complain about my job too much because my boss is about as good of a boss you can get, I have my own office, I have salary and benefits, and being that I work for a university I get nice holiday breaks. However, my office has no windows. My plants can't even survive up in there. And I have very little human interaction everyday (which, I actually don't even mind that much.) And I sometimes get bored with the actual work that I do.) But other than that, I really shouldn't complain.
So why do I feel so...... incomplete?
Well, for starters I think it's because I am still living paycheck to paycheck and live with my parents. (Very thankful for them btw) I just thought by now I'd have my own crib, you feel me? It feels weird being the eldest child and at home still... Living rent free is great! However, I don't feel as "grown" as I wanna be since I am still slightly dependent on my parents.
(love her purple hair btw)
As of lately, I have been questioning my career path and am finding it even harder to get out of bed every morning. Honestly, I wake up everyday wanting to quit my job. I know this 9-5 life is not meant for me.
I mean this CANNOT be the rest of my life. I know I am destined for something much greater. I just don't know what yet....
My main problem is that I am indecisive and there are several different areas/fields I am interested in. I know my end goal, I just am not sure what steps I should be taking first to accomplish them. Like I have no idea where to start because I'm unsure what path I want to take first!?
Because ultimately, I want to be a badass business mogul.
CEO of Nailah (or Fitzgerald) Enterprise.
#goals (but I'll be full CEO)
All I know for certain right now is that I want to be on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list-- which means I only have a few years to figure this thang out! I often get frustrated because I feel like I need to be working towards that goal right now. But again, I don't even know where to begin.
Hell maybe this blog is the beginning....?
AND I KNOW, things take time and that I need to be more patient and trust the process....
But yo, this shit is hard af and I feel so lost.
I think I have been stressing myself out more now, than ever. Before, in college, I always knew what was next. This is due by this time. Or I know by next summer I need an internship..... It was almost like your goals were already laid out for you. You get there and they give you a track of what classes you should take when and how long its going to take to complete... You have constant guides throughout your journey, between advisors, mentors, professors and curriculum.
In the real world it's all up to you to make those goals (both short and long term) and life decisions that you have no idea what the outcome may be. Switching majors is one thing but switching careers is like another ball park. Everything is on you now. There is no more set paths and knowing what is going to be on the other side of the door?
Is the grass really greener on the other side?
I have recently started praying more, meditating more, and counting my blessings/giving gratitude. I have been trying my very best to see the silver lining in all situations. (If I had the funds I would totally go get my chakras aligned, or go to a Reiki specialist, or some kind of natural holistic practice. But that mess is so expensive. I am actually thinking about going to a sound bath which is only $20; I'll keep you posted!)
I know I am not the only one feeling like this. We just gotta keep believing y'all. If you haven't, I highly suggest you all watch The Secret.
Ask. Believe. Receive. And we shall all prosper.